


Babies? No Thanks

by dragonshost



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance, as much as i can write romance anyway, i have a love/hate relationship with this fandom trope, mirajane's baby obsession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 14:30:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10721214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonshost/pseuds/dragonshost
Summary: Mirajane decides to pester Lucy about the distinct lack of babies in the guild... again. Lucy doesn't take it so well.





	Babies? No Thanks

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an old prompt challenge from papalogia.

It was a fairly typical morning for Fairy Tail. Not even noon yet, and the booze was flowing freely. A full-blown brawl was currently underway, and the guild's resident Celestial Mage was firmly avoiding it. Situated at the bar, Lucy peacefully sipped her favorite strawberry milkshake and ignored the chaos and destruction occurring all around her.

Although a year had passed since the guild had reformed, not much had honestly changed, Lucy mused to herself.

A tap on her shoulder caught the young woman's attention, then. Startled, Lucy left off her drink and swiveled on her barstool to see who was trying to speak with her. To her surprise, it was not a guild member – though someone she still recognized very well indeed.

Cobra, formerly of Oracion Seis and currently a part of Crime Sorciere, stood beside her. His lone indigo eye bored into the Celestial Mage's brown ones with an uncomfortable intensity.

After months of the maroon-haired man and his comrades randomly popping by the guild for a visit, Lucy still couldn't quite get used to their presence. But that wasn't entirely inconceivable – attempted murder and nearly getting sacrificed to a clock were horrible first and second impressions to make (although at present, Future Rogue's introduction still topped the list).

Despite their history, however, Lucy was determined to accept the changed group for who they now were. Even if one of the members had a stare that unnerved her. Cobra's stare freaked a lot of people out, actually. He seemed to enjoy doing it.

The dark skinned man shot her a brief, fanged grin at hearing her thoughts. While Lucy flushed, Cobra stated, "Bright Eyes, I was just going to give you a warning. Watch out for the Demon. She's planning something."

Months after the initial christening, Lucy still had no clue why Cobra insisted on calling her Bright Eyes. From the very first time he'd come visiting, he'd immediately dubbed her that. She wasn't going to question it, though. It was a lot better than most of her other nicknames, to be honest.

More troubling was the rest of his calm announcement. Lucy swallowed around the lump of fear growing in her throat. "I take it that, whatever it is, it involves me?"

"Yeah." To Lucy's surprise, Cobra took the seat beside her. "You... and babies." He hesitated, and then added, "I think. Hard to tell through all of the internal squealing."

A groan forced its way through Lucy's throat, and she leaned forward in her seat. Resting her forehead against the woodgrain of the bar's countertop, she moaned, "Why me? There's plenty of other people in the guild she could bother. So why is it always me?!"

"She finds it fun," Cobra responded calmly, leaning over the bar and attempting to locate an empty mug in the shelf below. Once he had one in hand, the Poison Dragon Slayer worked the tap to fill it up. "Your reactions, that is," he clarified, settling back in his seat with his prize.

Lucy turned her head to the side, her cheek still pressed against the solid counter. Regarding the Dragon Slayer with one, chocolate-coloured eye, Lucy mumbled, "Thanks for the warning."

Cobra shrugged. "You're not the only one that finds it vastly annoying," he told her. "Not even half of what she thinks makes it to her mouth."

Wincing, Lucy closed her eyes in sympathy. "That has to be some new form of torture."

"You're telling me."

The white-haired, blue-eyed woman in question chose that moment to pop out of the woodwork, as it were. "Lucy!" Mirajane chirped happily.

Lucy opened her eyes and lifted her head a bit. "Hi, Mira," she greeted, before plunking her head down against the bar again.

"Oh, my," Mirajane giggled. Then she turned to Cobra, a slight frown upon her radiant features. "Cobra," she scolded. "What have I said about helping yourself?"

With a shrug, Cobra merely grunted in response to her inquiry.

"Honestly…" Mirajane shook her head in exasperation. "The two of you today seem so…" Silence fell upon the group as the barmaid's brain started to work overtime.

"Oh, no," Cobra and Lucy chorused, as they simultaneously realized what they had accidentally set off.

The Take Over Mage's cerulean eyes darted between the pair, her excitement escalating by the nanosecond. "You two," she said shortly. "Were in sync. Just now."

Sweat started to pour down their faces. Neither said anything further, afraid of making the situation worse. Sitting up, Lucy shot a terrified glance at Cobra, who returned it, clutching his mug like his life depended upon it.

"So. Is there something I should know about going on between you two?" Mirajane cajoled.

"Nothing. Nothing is going on between us," they, for the second time, said together. Cobra and Lucy then shot a strangely identical glare at each other.

Which Mirajane caught, of course.

Beaming at the two mages, Mirajane let out a high pitched squeal of delight.

Oh, this was _not_ good.

"Are you two… _hiding_ something from me?" False tears began to gather in her eyes, as she was determined to pull every trick she could to get them to admit to being a couple. Which they weren't.

"You can't fool _me_ with those fake tears," Cobra informed her dryly.

"Drat."

Lucy decided to ask, "So… uh… did you need something, Mira?"

Focusing all of her formidable attention on the Celestial Mage, Mirajane smiled. Though the expression was bright, somehow Lucy felt a dark aura gathering around the older woman.

Cobra placed his palm over his face. "You've done it now, Bright Eyes."

"Why yes, Lucy. There _is_ something you can do for me."

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I," Lucy whispered to Cobra.

"Very much so," Cobra rumbled under his breath.

Mirajane didn't seem to hear the exchange. "Lucy, what I need you to do... is produce as many babies as possible in the near future so I have godchildren to spoil rotten."

Letting out a whimper, Lucy pressed her knuckles to her forehead, where a headache was starting to form. "Not this again... are you even aware of how human biology works, Mira?"

"I'm quite well aware, thank you," the barmaid replied crisply. "But that doesn't mean that by this time next year you can't have _one_ child running around here."

Lucy dropped her hand and laughed, but it sounded forced even to her. "Again, Mira... even if I were to become pregnant today by this time next year, my child wouldn't be old enough to walk, let alone run yet."

Dismissive, Mirajane waved off Lucy's logic. "Not really my point."

With a sigh, Lucy shook her head. "I know, but it's not going to happen, Mira."

"Why not?" Mirajane pressed, unwilling to give up. As she saw it, Lucy was her only hope as the only one with romantic inclinations and daydreams in the guild. There had yet to be babies in the guild, and Mirajane's dormant motherly instincts were acting up. She missed having children to raise, now that Lisanna and Elfman no longer needed her.

Angry, Lucy suddenly snapped and lost all patience with her friend. She'd been pestered for months about this, and quite frankly she was tired of hearing it. "Mirajane… although I appreciate your concern, I think you're way off base here. It's true that someday in the future, I would like to be a mother. But there are so many reasons why I shouldn't rush into it right now! To start with, I always pictured myself with a loving husband – and I don't even have a boyfriend right now."

A little shocked at the abruptly hostile tone in Lucy's voice, Mirajane defended, "You don't need either to have babies! And what exactly are you trying to say about single mothers, Lucy?"

That was when Lucy recalled with deep embarrassment that Mirajane had, essentially, raised her two younger siblings by herself. She gulped, and tried to backpedal to get her initial point across, "I understand that there are plenty of fantastic single moms out there in the world, Mira. To be honest, they are my heroes."

Mirajane herself had been Lucy's hero, and role model, in fact. Still was, actually. There was no one she respected more at Fairy Tail save the Master himself. "But I want what my own parents had. That aside, even if I were to become a single mother, there is no possible way for me to support a child right now. I'm only nineteen, Mirajane! Well… nineteen-ish."

Lucy bit her lip as Mirajane's look became darker, as she had, again, said the wrong thing. "There's nothing wrong with being a young mother, either! It's just…" The Celestial Mage sighed; this was harder to explain that she thought it would be. "My only income is from dangerous mage jobs. Did you know that mages on average miscarry far more than non-mages? And even if I were able to carry a child to term, I would have to go on short, high-paying jobs just to support him or her."

Pursing her lips, Mirajane shook her head. "Bisca managed it just fine."

"Bisca also had Alzack," Lucy pointed out. "And even if I asked the guild to babysit…" Swallowing thickly as old hurts rose to the surface, Lucy whispered, "Children… most children just want to spend time with their parents." Memories of her own upbringing passed through her minds' eye – at first the happiness she felt with her mother and father, slowly tinged with ever greater despair as she lost not only her mother, but her father as well. Long before the man's death, Lucy had lost him.

Cobra cringed next to her.

Upon seeing it, Lucy realized that the Soul Listening Mage must have overheard her recollections. For a brief moment, she felt embarrassed. Her father had caused her friends a great deal of pain in the past – not to mention Lucy herself – and that still bothered her greatly. Then she furrowed her brow and sat up straighter. Tilting her chin up, her eyes flashed amber in defiance. So what if he heard? It wasn't exactly a secret that her father had been a world class jerk. And so what if she still missed him? He'd been her father after all. Lucy had never stopped loving him, even through the hate.

His lips quirking upward in a restrained smile, Cobra returned to contemplating the mug of ale in front of him.

For her part, Mirajane also flinched in remembrance of what happened with Phantom Lord.

Lucy smiled weakly at the barmaid, trying to lessen the sting of her earlier words. "Also, I don't think I'm emotionally prepared right now to have a child."

"How do you know that?" Mirajane blurted out, not willing to let the topic go or concede defeat. "You don't know that until…"

Shaking her head, irritation returning, Lucy interrupted, "Some people are able to rise above that, but I don't want to have to find out. If that makes me selfish… yeah, okay, then. I'm selfish. I shouldn't be having a child.

"I want a baby. Someday. But not right now, and you need to stop pressuring me about it. Please respect my decision, Mira, and just drop the subject already."

"You're not going to win, Demon," Cobra suddenly interjected as Mirajane opened her mouth to respond. Surprised, the two women stayed silent as Cobra continued, "Aside from which, Bright Eyes has a point. Several of them. Not everyone appreciates their business being aired to all and sundry; not to mention having said business butt-into by nosy, overbearing demons in the first place."

Lucy bristled as Mirajane's jaw dropped at the Dragon Slayer's harsh words. "Cobra!" the Celestial Mage hissed.

Bewildered, Cobra stared at her. "What's your problem now, Bright Eyes? I'm agreeing with you."

"You don't need to be so mean about it!" Lucy scolded him.

"…Seriously?" he muttered. " _That's_ your problem?"

"This doesn't concern you."

Cobra rolled his eye. "Are you forgetting that you _both_ have already involved me in this? And besides, I fail to see how any of those arguments prevent _you_ from having children of your own, Demon. Instead of trying to get other people to have babies, why not go make your own."

Mirajane's face turned pensive and she fiddled with her dress. "I raised two children already, but... while I would love to have ones of my own, I guess I have to agree with Lucy. I do want someone to share the experience with this time around. I just... I feel like Lucy still has the opportunity to find that happiness while I can't help feeling like I missed my chance, somehow." She looked up and met Lucy's bewildered gaze. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I shouldn't have pushed my opinion onto you."

A soft smile spread across Lucy's face. "Thank you, Mira. That means a lot. And I'm sorry you feel that way - I'm sure you'll find your special person someday."

"It's fine if I don't, Lucy." Eyes glimmering with mischievousness, Mirajane slyly added, "I still think you would make pretty babies, though."

Lucy snorted in amusement. "What are you talking about? I would make _gorgeous_ babies."

Unnoticed by the other two, Cobra had slipped away during the conversation. At that moment he chose to return... with Midnight in tow. Whom he then plunked down in his vacated bar stool.

"Stay," the Dragon Slayer ordered his friend, not just referring to his current physical location and desperately hoping that the Reflector mage would catch the hint.

Midnight was more than a little confused about what was going on, but he was too tired to bother arguing with Cobra right then.

Smiling softly at the narcoleptic man, Mirajane asked, "What can I get for you, Midnight?"

"Mmm," he grumbled, not really awake enough for cognizant thought. "Something."

"One 'something' coming right up then!" the Take Over mage giggled.

"Yaaaay," Midnight responded unenthusiastically.

Cobra nudged Lucy's arm. "Let's leave them alone."

For a moment, the blonde stared at him. Then it clicked in her mind what he was trying to do. "Sure." She stood up. "Bye, Mira! I'll talk to you later!"

"Bye, Lucy! Bye Cobra! Have fun!"

Midnight bestirred himself enough to throw the departing pair a halfhearted wave over his shoulder.

Lucy followed Cobra outside the guild, not entirely certain why she was tailing the maroon-haired man.

Once they were safely outside, Cobra doubled over, laughing and wheezing.

Finding it infectious, Lucy began to giggle along, even though she didn't know what Cobra was finding so hilarious.

After catching his breath, Cobra explained, "The Demon... she's planning... no wait, she just did. She gave him..." He snorted again. "She gave him warm milk with honey and cinnamon."

The Celestial Mage blinked. "Like... parents do for their children?"

"Like she did when she was raising her siblings, yeah!" Cobra started laughing even harder. "He likes it! This is just too rich! Oh, I'm never letting him live this one down!"

"So is your matchmaking a success?" Lucy teased, also finding this a bit funny.

Cobra straightened, his indigo eye catching the sunlight for a second. Mirth flashed through the captivating orb. "She won't be bothering anyone about ships and pairings for a while!"

"So what now?" Lucy asked. She didn't understand why, but she didn't quite want to leave the Dragon Slayer's side just yet.

He regarded her for a moment. "Go for a walk? I don't know."

Lucy brightened. "A walk sounds like a really good idea actually. Let's go!"

With that, she clasped the Dragon Slayer's arm and set off down the road.

Cobra didn't protest. Not in the least.

 


End file.
